October 2022, I did a thing. I made a decision, a very hard decision; I decided that it was time for me to surrender to time, and let my gray come through. So at my regularly scheduled hair appointment to wash that gray away, I told my hair dresser to cut it so that I can gray out. She did.
Unfortunately, after my hair appointment, I was to attend a family funeral. I say unfortunately because when my hairdresser was done, I did not like who I saw in the mirror. I couldn’t tell my hairdresser anything, not “I love it” or “good job”. When I arrived home, my husband’s response was “so you did it.” He thought it was okay. I told him that immediately after the funeral I want to go to the wig shop because I hated it!!!!!
It was all white in the back except the nape of my neck which was all black. It was cut shorter than I wanted. There was no disguising this! The wig shops no longer allow you to try on wigs. I actually thought about buying some more hair dye, but was talked down by a close friend. But still I was perplexed with how I am going to make this work!
For a while, I tried to soften the shock with a root touch up pen and/or powder. I had to do something! I couldn’t go to church like this. It was out in the open. There was no hiding it. My gray hair was like “bang, here I am”!
Of course, when I got to church, I had some compliments, but I was just not comfortable in my skin anymore. I was used to how I used to look, so was my sister. This is vanity at its root. I was reminded of a scripture in Ecclesiastes 12:1-8, that speaks about aging, giving a warning to remember our Creator while we are young, before the “almond blossoms”.
Well, my almond tree blossomed a long time ago, but I kept washing it away. Why? Why are we, more pointedly me, so fixated on how I look? Solomon said it.
Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher; all is vanity.Ecclesiastes 12:8
I am merely experiencing life! My life is like a flower that fades, or a vapor that soon vanishes. God planned it that way. What is the matter that I cannot Embrace the Hoary Head? The Bible speaks of it as a great thing.
The hoary head is a crown of glory, If it be found in the way of righteousness.Proverbs 16:31
I knew I had to get to a new mindset about this, so I prayed. I begged God to help me to accept this new me because I did not like it at all. I needed God to give me a new mindset. Other women may not have had this difficulty, but I most certainly did, so I needed the power of God for a mindset change.
Guess what? God answered my prayer. A couple of days before Christmas, before I washed my hair, I combed my hair all back and stared at myself in the mirror to adjust to the new me or the me I had refused to accept. I put on lipstick and stared. I was okay! I didn’t hate it. God was working on me!!!! He heard my feeble prayer even though it was all about vanity.
That Sunday, Christmas morning, I was not going to soften the gray with root touch up, even though I had ordered a new Madison touch up compact. I was going to surrender to time, and I did. I know that I could not have done this without God giving me a new mindset, a new perspective. So I truly thank him. Yes, I went through a whole lot of whining and manipulations to get here, but I got here, thanks be to a faithful God.